Now, You Must Wake
by sbrianson
Summary: Is living in the past the kind of life that Sirius would have wanted for Remus? All-in-one angst, fluff and slash.


"Now, You Must Wake"

Pairing: Remus Lupin / Sirius Black

Rating: "M" for slash

DISCLAIMER: This story is fictional – that's F-I-C-T-I-O-N. It never happened, and is not real. It is the product of my own imagination. It contains descriptions of male slash (that's male/male homosexual relations). If you do not like this type of content, or if you find homosexuality or its practice offensive, please click the "Back" button or close your Internet browser NOW, and do not read any further. All characters and copyrights are owned by J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers™ (AOL Time Warner), but this story is owned by me and is all my own work.

* * *

"I love you, Sirius."

"I know. But now, you must wake."

"No!"

But is was too late, for the werewolf's eyes sprang open as he hurled himself up into a sitting position in the bed, his breathing rapid and shallow. He reached out beside him, but once again felt only cool, smooth bedsheets, the feel of an empty bed.

* * *

He closed his eyes. The sensation of floating came over him. 

No. That wasn't right…

The sensation of _sailing_.

And sailing he was, floating down miles of narrow canals in a small wooden gondola made for two. And as it passed under a great stone arch bridge, he realised where he was. He was in Venice, another cherished memory from a holiday long ago. He had come here hoping to look at the beautiful Venetian architecture of the Italian city, but instead had mainly seen the beautiful Venetian architecture of his Italian hotel room. Because he had come here with…

"Lovely, isn't it?" a twenty-four year old Sirius said, beaming down at him. He was rowing the couple along the canal in the gondola.

"Mmm…"

"You know, I wasn't sure about coming here at first, Remus, but do you know something? I think I _like_ Venice!"

"I know what you mean, Sirius," Remus replied, finding that with an incredible sense of déja vù he could recite all of Sirius's dialogue, as well as his own, in his head before either of them had even said a word.

"So, where to, sir?" Sirius asked jokingly.

"Well, I thought that we could go and see the Cathedral."

"Okay. But first, you have to do me a little favour."

"No problem," Remus said, reaching towards his lover's crotch. But then, everything changed. Sirius's expression darkened to seriousness as he seized both of Remus's hands in his.

"No, Remus. Now, you must wake. I need you to wake up."

"No, Sirius. No! I –" but before he could finish what he was saying, the scenic gondola's eye view of summertime Venice had faded away and become the dull decoration of his bedroom. In the background, he could hear Sirius's mother screaming, and random shouts from Molly and Kingsley and someone who was possibly Mundungus as they tried to silence the portrait below.

* * *

The next night, Remus tried a spot of amateur Occlumency. He hated these dreams. What did they mean? On one hand he was reliving some of the happiest moments of his life, but on the other… Things would nearly get to the best bits, and Sirius always seemed to tell him to wake up. And Remus _would_ wake up, only to be reminded again that Sirius was not there. He didn't want it. But another part of him longed for it, even looked forward to it, because the dreams let him be with Sirius once more. If only for a little while… 

Finally, exhausted, he let his eyes shut and felt himself drifting off to sleep. And this time, when he opened them, he saw not Sirius in his mid-twenties, but a teenage boy, with long, raven-black hair, dressed in a Hogwarts school uniform. He felt a sharp breeze around him, and saw that he was on the top of the Astronomy tower, James's invisibility cloak in a crumpled heap beside them. Sirius grinned down at him.

"I think we lost him!"

"Yeah, I think we did! Only I didn't see Mrs Norris anywhere. D'you think she could have followed us?"

"Ever the optimist, aren't we, Moony?"

"Absolutely." He grinned, then frowned. He had never seen this expression on Sirius's face before – a mixture of perplexion, lust, playfulness and fear. "What?" he asked him.

"Nothing. It's just that…" Sirius extended an arm and brushed his fingers through the werewolf's hair. Any minute now, Sirius would say 'I think I want to kiss you,' just like he did on that night nineteen years ago, when they had first got together. But to Remus's dismay, Sirius looked into his eyes and said

"Now, you must wake. Wake up, Remus."

"What? No!" But Remus was already awake.

* * *

"So, do you like my dancing, Remus?" Sirius asked, looking up at Remus, hands around his waist as all around them at least twenty other couples were swinging and swaying around the room. Sirius, far from being an arrogant teen, was now Remus's own, current age. 

"S'okay," Remus replied.

"Yup. If you want to do the tango properly, where better than in Buenos Aires?"

"Yeah," And then the music changed; slower and slower, four beats became three, and Remus found the two of them dancing not a fiery, passionate tango, but a soft and delicate waltz. Remus sighed, as he laid his head on Sirius's chest.

"I love you, Sirius," he said.

"I know. But now, you must wake."

"No! I don't want to. I don't! I _won't_!" Remus cried out.

"But you must. Now, you must wake, for my world now is no place for the living."

"You mean… you-you're in Hell?"

"No! Good God, no, you silly thing! I'm in a place so full of joy and wonder that you wouldn't be able to comprehend it."

"You mean, you're in heaven?"

"Well, I suppose you _could_ call it that… Besides, the others need you."

"I don't want to leave you!"

"Nor I you. Really, I don't. But you must wake, _now_, for if you don't it may be too late…"

"I don't care! Let me join you! Please? Don't leave me! Please, Sirius?"

"Remus…"

"Just one more hour? One more _minute_?"

"But I can't."

"Why? Why not! Why can't you?"

"You know why…"

"I thought you loved me!" the werewolf wailed.

"But it's _because_ I love you. Don't you see? It would mean that you'd cross over. If you were to die, it would be for me, not you. I can't let you throw your life away just for me! You've got so long left…"

"But I don't want it! I don't want _any_ of it!"

"Maybe, maybe not. But that's beside the point, Remus. The others need you."

"But I'm so scared, Sirius! I'm so scared of going on without you!" Remus sobbed.

"I know you are, my love. But if you can't do it for yourself, or even for the others, do it for me."

"But-"

"Shh" Sirius soothed. "No buts. Do it for me. Just remember that I love you, and that I'm watching over you. We will meet in the flesh again one day. But not yet. So until then, take this," the dark-haired man placed a soft kiss on Remus's lips, "and… please?... wake up…"

* * *

Remus woke up with a jolt. It took him some time to realise where he was, or what was happening, before he heard Molly's stern but gentle voice calling him. 

"Remus? Remus! Calm down! It's okay! Come on, Remus, it's alright… Remus?"

"Oh! Oh God, Molly!" Remus cried out.

"Shh…" Molly whispered, stroking his head and holding him tightly. "It's alright, Remus. You just had a bad dream, that's all."

"Molly," Remus sobbed, burying his head in the woman's matronly bosom. "He-he's… I mean… Sirius… he's… gone…"

"I know, dear, I know…" Molly tried to comfort the weeping man, but found herself lost for words as to what to say to him. Mother of seven though she was, nothing she had done had ever come close to preparing her for what to say to somebody in such a situation. "It's going to be alright, dear. It will, you'll see." She whispered to him.

"Yes," he whispered back. "Yes, I think, finally, I do…"


End file.
